She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize