Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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