that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
