I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
