i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
