is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
