just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
