hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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