So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
