This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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