I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
