Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
