Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
