Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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