I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Michael Bay diarrhea
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize