Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize