he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
sex in a hospital.. check
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
