My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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