I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
