My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
