I just made out with a guy for $7.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
