So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
