On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
