You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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