Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
