Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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