I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
