and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
