I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
