We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
