it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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