She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
then he tried to convert me to islam
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize