when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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