So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
