If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
