the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize