We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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