who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
