Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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