thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
