I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
