I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
