You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize