you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
