Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
