Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
