So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
