Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
