he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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