Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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