It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
