did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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