I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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