I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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