We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
