haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ketchup is God's man juice
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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