i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Randomize
