he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize