when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
