singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
