her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
