oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
