you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
