he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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