where am i from again
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
