You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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