I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
