yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
