How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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