The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When are your genitals available?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
