I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
