Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
