She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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