Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize