good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
