In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
