So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My vagina just clenched in fear
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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