My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
