you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
