I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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