I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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