You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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