The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
