im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
