theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Sober January is a disaster.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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