Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
