i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
