Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
