her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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